I Don't Care Anymore
by Ssatsuki
Summary: The YAOI site held it's 2008 Valentine's Competition. Three years ago, on Valentine's Day Eve, I confessed my feelings to a fellow Digidestined. Because I'm not like the others without a valentine. Matt x Tai - I'm a rock star.


I Don't Care Anymore

_2008 Valentine's Day Competition. Three years ago, on Valentine's Day Eve, I confessed my feelings to a fellow Digidestined. Because I'm not like the others without a valentine. Matt x Tai - I'm a rock star._

-

There is one day a year, that I hate the most. It's full of hearts and pink and red and flowers and chocolate and I hate it. Everyone walks around like they're on Cloud 9 when they know that tomorrow it won't matter. Everyone gets dressed up. They got out and buy chocolate for their family and friends and loved ones. I hate it. I hate those who have no one to celebrate it with the most.

They spend their time moping about being alone, but they don't search for love. They spend even more money than those who have a sweetheart, buying chocolates for their coworkers, family, friends, and random people they meet, trying to make themselves feel better about having no one. While inside, they are cursing the holiday and all those who celebrate it.

"Thank you, sir, and have a nice day. Happy Valentine's Day!" the store clerk said, and I picked up my bag of chocolates and left the store.

I hate myself.

Here I am cursing the world because of this stupid holiday called Valentine's Day, and then I call everyone without a valentine stupid for buying chocolates...Then I become a hypocrite and buy enough chocolate to feed a small army so that everyone I work with can get some.

But even though that may be true, and I am a hypocrite, I am not like all the other worthless bastards who buy chocolates for their friends.

"Welcome back, sir," the desk clerk greets me when I walk through the automatic doors at the front of the building. I give her a little smile and drop a miniscule box of raspberry chocolate hearts on the counter for her. She sees them and nearly squeals. "Thank you! Thank you very much, sir!"

But I'm in the elevator and I don't care anymore.

Because I'm not like every other worthless person who has no valentine and buys chocolates for his coworkers and friends.

The elevator doors open and I walk out. Ten people in the room, sitting at desks or walking around, call out to me and say hello. As I pass them by, I reach into my shopping bag and pull out a small box of chocolates. In my head, I mentally check off what I've given away.

Chocolate covered coconut bits for Mark, almond shaped chocolates for Anne. Plain, solid chocolate for Steve, Hayley, and Yvonne. Dark chocolates for Hiro and Pam. Chocolate covered cherries for James and Jodak. A box of conversation sweet tart hearts for Sherry, because she's allergic to chocolate.

They each thank me, even though I'm a day early in giving them out, and I give them each a little smile. But then I'm in the other room and I don't care anymore.

Because unlike all the other worthless people with no valentine and enough money to buy an army's load of chocolates to give to their friends and coworkers and family...

I have memorized the personal information and tastes of each and every person I work for.

And I'm a rock star.

Yep. I have no Valentine, and I'm the lead singer of a rock band. 'Oh, but Mr. Ishida,' you might say, 'Surely you have lots of fans and receive plenty of Valentine's Day love?' Why yes, yes I do, thank you.

And I hate it.

I hate the days surrounding Valentine's day because fans send me chocolates and love notes more often than they do any other time of the year. I hate Valentine's Day the most because my room in this large building is nearly covered in fan mail and gifts.

I get to the meeting room, where the rest of my band mates and our manager are waiting. I hand the manager a box of conversational hearts, then toss the bag between my band mates to find their own gifts. Then I'm sitting down and waiting for the 'meeting' to start.

"Thank You, Yamato," Mr. Manager says.

"No problem," I reply smoothly. I hear my band mates fighting a bit over the chocolates, though I don't know why because they're all the same. Mr. Manager man clears his throat and everyone stops to look up at him.

"As you know, today is for the final preparations for tomorrow's Valentine's Day concert," he said.

"Yea, the one we've been planning since Christmas."

"Matt's idea, right?"

"Yea. Can't even give us a break on Valentines...Just because he doesn't have a valentine."

I sigh. It is true. I purposefully plan concerts over important dates, but only because I don't have someone to spend them with. My band mates have me pretty much figured out.

"Right, so what else is there to be discussed?" I ask.

"Well, there is the fact that we're doing it in an open area in the park, and there was a forecast of-"

"'Scuse me sir!" A man yelled as he entered the room.

"What?" Mr. Manager man demanded as me and the guys just gave him a unanimously confused look.

"Sorry sir but...This just arrived in the mail...I-I thought you might want to have a look at it," the man explained nervously. But he seemed more nervous about what he was holding than Mr. Manager man.

I look at the package in his hands. It's a spray painted black box about as thick as a deck of cards and as wide as a tissue box. Written in red letters on the top were the words, _'This is a Dangerous threat,'_ though the word Dangerous was multicolored and for a moment I pause to wonder at how you do that with paint and not mix the colors together. _'Don't play the concert tomorrow night.'_

Everyone else in the room lets out a gasp of surprise, but I'm focusing on the side of the box. There's a sticker there...A sticker of a digimon I know well, because I traveled with him and his partner for _quite_ a long time. Agumon. Next to him on the left are his smaller forms, and to his right are his stronger forms. Every one of them is in order.

I think I surprised everyone when I stood up and marched to the box. I didn't know what it was, but something let me know that this wasn't a 'Dangerous' threat. The box was not dangerous...In fact...

Did I mention I've been waiting for a certain package for three years? Well, even if I didn't, I can tell you now that I think this is the package.

"Yamato!" Mr. Manager man said sternly as I reached for the box. My band mates all yelled "Matt!"

"It's not dangerous," I say calmly, and without looking I know they're confused. "In fact, it's from a friend of mine."

I take the box from the terrified looking errand boy and he rushes from the room. I set the box on the nearest table and scrape my thumb over the thin paint. A bit comes off and I realize this is a mail order box. Ignoring that, I open the box on the side with the Agumon on it and it opens cleanly. Inside is nothing but a bunch of packing peanuts to keep everything still, and a piece of notebook paper.

I pull out the paper and push the box aside. I unfold the paper and find out that the paper is folded up inside two other sheets of paper. Clever, to block the view of anyone trying to read from the other side.

There are only a few words written on the paper. But they are all that matter.

'I'm sorry Matt.'

Below the apology is an address and I quickly fold the paper and stick it in my back pocket. Everyone is looking at me as if expecting me to tell them what was on the paper.

And here I thought they had me pretty much figured out.

"I gotta go. But I'll call you later, to talk about the concert," I assure them, and then I walk determinedly from the room. I hear them all calling for me to come back, but I'm already in the elevator and I don't care anymore.

-

Three years ago, on Valentine's Day Eve, I confessed my feelings to a fellow Digidestined. It was right before I started getting really big with my band. I'd just broken Sora's heart, and of course all the other digidestined knew about it...and they all hated me for it.

So Tai called me out into the late snow, both of us freezing our pants off, and yelled at me. I should have known better. Tai had been crushing on Sora since they were kids, since we all were kids. I'd been crushing on Tai for just as long. I took in every word he said about betrayal and leading Sora on and being a jackass and What was so important that I had to stand Sora up on every date and...I couldn't remember ever having a date with Sora...

When Tai was done ranting, I was feeling pretty pissed off. I'd been getting the same flack from every member of the first and second group of digidestined. Why did no one ever listen to _my_ side of the story? Why did no one care about _my_ feelings?

So I told Tai I was going to give him one reason. One reason for all of my behavior. A reason that would explain everything I had ever done in my entire life since I was about six years old. Then I kissed him.

I'm not going to lie and say that I got shivers down my spine and how Tai was a good kisser or how he paused and then kissed back or anything at all like that. Almost the moment my lips hit his, Tai pushed me to the ground - with a punch in the face to accompany it. He was confused and angry, and I was pissed off so I yelled out to the world - though no one was around to hear us - that I was in love with him.

Tai cussed me out in several languages - most of which I didn't even know he knew - kicked dirt and snow in my face, and told me to never come near him again. I've never been so heartbroken.

But then my music career took off. I was able to ignore my own feelings and just make other people happy. Which is why I know everything that's ever been said or discussed or written or typed about everyone I work with, and why I buy everyone gifts for every holiday.

But if Tai wanted to meet me, after three years, I had to go see him. He'd written down a train station, and I stood there for almost an hour before he showed up - but I was early anyway so I could forgive him. I was wearing a hat and a pair of sunglasses. But he knew it was me anyway. And I'd recognize that mop of hair any day, anywhere, any time, and any dimension.

Without a word, Tai handed me a train ticket and we both got on the next train. We rode it all the way to Odaiba, and then he led me to the park near where we all used to live. Where we used to live before my parents divorced. Where we used to live the fateful night we saw our first digimon.

Everything on the way here had pink decorations and hearts and ads for gifts. I hated it. But here it was green and abandoned until tomorrow and I loved it. Then was when I realized we were right back where I'd confessed to him three years ago, and for a moment my blood ran cold.

Tai planned it perfectly. It was the same day, at the same time, and in the same place I had confessed to him. We were standing in the exact same spots. And as we stood there, it began to snow. _God_ couldn't have planned it better. Tai wouldn't look at me, and I wasn't about to talk first. He called _me_ out here.

"I...," he started uncertainly. I didn't make a move towards him, or at all actually. I kept my hands in my pockets, because I refused to buy gloves and my hands were cold. Tai was wearing the same outfit he'd worn three years ago, and I smiled at yet another similarity to that day. "I'm really sorry, Matt."

"So your note said." I know I sound angry, but I can't help it. That's what my monotone sounds like! Still, it kind of hurts me when I see Tai flinch at my tone.

"I know," and he's still not looking at me. His voice is soft and broken. "Th-the others are worried about you. You haven't talked to anyone since..."

He doesn't finish, but he also doesn't need to. I already know. "I know. But that isn't why you brought me _here_." I put special emphasis on the word 'here' because I know he knows where we are. He flinches again and I wish he'd stop doing that. And he still isn't looking at me.

"Matt I...I...," Tai can't bring himself to finish the sentence and I suddenly fear what will come out of his mouth. The three words I've been longing to hear, but now I don't want them said.

"Tai," I interrupt him. He is shocked enough to look up at me. His face falls and I know my eyes must be cold. "Don't say anything stupid. Don't say it if you don't mean it, and don't say it if you'll regret it later. I don't want, nor do I need, any kind of pity or obligation, from anyone." My tone is as cold as my eyes; as the snow around us on the ground and in the air.

Tai flinches again, a brief amount away from me, and I outwardly sigh.

"Look, you can tell the others that I'm doing fine. I'm alright," I tell him, my eyes drifting to look at the grey sky that is dropping white frozen cold down upon us. "I'll apologize for ignoring them personally."

"With what? A letter?" Tai's voice is angry, and I look to him in slight shock at the tone. "No one wants a letter, or an email, or a phone call. We want you back, Matt. We want to spend time with you again! We miss you! ...I...I miss you...And I'm not saying this because I feel like I have to, I'm saying everything because I want to, because I feel like it," he paused for a moment and I'm really trying hard to figure out where this might go. "When have you ever known me to do anything else, right?"

His tone is back to being the one I was so used to in the digital world. The tone that gave me strength to keep going is back. Suddenly it's like a weight has been lifted and I feel a thousand times lighter.

"Tai," I manage to get out before he keeps talking.

"No, you hafta let me talk, or I'll never get this out," he tells me, then continues. "I've been beating myself up about what I did for almost three years now. At first, I'll admit that I was pretty ticked off, and really disgusted with you too."

I flinch visibly, but he isn't looking at me anymore.

"But then you didn't come to the get-togethers we planned, and no one had heard from you in weeks, and you weren't answering your phone or your email or anything. I thought you'd died...I thought I'd killed you," Tai's voice is so broken and I have to actually fight myself to stay back; to not touch him. "I began to feel guilty. And after six months, I began to feel lonely. Of course, I didn't let the others know, and everything went along as per usual without you around."

That was like Tai. Even in the digital world, he'd always tried to make sure he could somehow please everyone, and he usually failed. But in his attempts, he'd become a very good pretender.

"I...I couldn't reach you. And honestly I didn't try very hard. I heard you on the radio and your music started to pop up everywhere and so I knew you were alive...but I couldn't get up the confidence to even try to call you. I thought you would hate me after what I'd done."

I still didn't do anything. There was a long pause in his rant, and I wanted to say something...but I was still worried. Tai was disgusted with me. He wouldn't even look at me. How could I ever approach him?

"After a year and a half, I...I did something that...," Tai fidgeted uncomfortably and wrung his hands together, looking at the ground. "I realized I liked you too...," he finished lamely.

My head put two and separation together and decided that they equaled sex. I blushed, but not nearly as heavily as Tai was. But he still wasn't looking at me. What happened? Tai was always one to look a person straight in the eyes when he was talking to them, facing them down, no matter the situation. So why wouldn't he look at me?

"I know I've waited too long. I know you probably have someone else. I also know that you're famous and can't have a boyfriend, at least not publicly. I just thought...you should-"

I can't stand it anymore! "Dammit, Tai!" I scold. He jumps. "Look at me when you're talking to me," I say harshly. Tai hesitantly raises his eyes to see me.

"I just thought you should know," he repeats, and finishes, his last statement.

"Taichi Yagami," I start slowly, and I see his pupils shrink at the full name. "Who ever said it was too late?" I could not tell you where this sudden confidence came from, but I didn't ask questions. I removed my hands from my pockets and wrapped my arms around Tai's waist, pressing my lips to his in a gentle kiss.

This time I won't lie and say nothing happened. This time Tai didn't hesitate and then kiss me. This time he didn't shove me away. This time he kissed me back and his hands went to my hair and it was passionate and it did send shivers down my spine - but that may have been the cold.

I pulled away first, and just stared at him. Our breath was showing up in white puffs between our faces and I found it mildly amusing.

"I've been waiting for three years." Is what I hear myself say. I know I need to call the manager and cancel the show tomorrow. I know the sun is beginning to set. I know that it's cold and I don't have gloves and I might catch a cold. I know all of that...

"I know," Tai says.

But then we're kissing again and I don't care anymore.


End file.
